"Everything's packed and ready to go! I'll miss you guys, but not enough to come back early to campus. See you in the fall!"
That one quote above could basically describe how I felt just a few days ago. Free from the pressure of trying to cram in projects during the last 30 minutes; free from the impending doom that is also aptly named, 'Finals Week'. I thought this academic pressure would be shrugged off of my shoulders the moment I stepped into my home, but I suppose thoughts can always be changed. Whether it would be online or offline, every time someone would bring up internships or just some general idea of their future, I would feel the anxiety brewing up. It's not as if my friends getting these positions would benefit or deny me of any endeavor that I would want to do, but the pressure to quickly find my place in the world would close in at an alarming speed.
"What do you want to do this summer?"
This is such a simple question, really, but what do I want to do? Spend another few golden months constantly pressured to find something worthwhile to do? I think summer break is aptly titled with the break meaning how this stress is going to eventually break me. This is probably a petty complaint to make in front of a few, but I can't help but think that there's probably a good handful of people that agree with me. As students, we go through finals week by looking towards that one sliver of freedom a.k.a three months of academic freedom. But how do we alleviate this pressure on us to find something worthwhile to do? It hasn't even been a week since I made it back into my safe haven of home, yet I find myself scrambling about to try and find a place that will water and raise me into a little experienced plant. I don't know about you, but this pressure has only worked negatively on me, and I found myself hiding away beneath the covers of whatever's good on Hulu that week.
"What did you do today?"
What did I do today? What did I do yesterday? What will I do tomorrow? I think I'm living in this constant fear of not using my 24/7 availability to its full potential. Honestly, being able to wake up every morning is something to be so thankful for, but the moment my eyes are open, my mind starts wandering to "Did I finish this? When was the deadline again for that app?", and suddenly the suffocation starts again. So much of my life has been teachers giving me deadlines for homework, parents giving me tasks to complete; how do I know what to do next without some sense of direction? It seems almost irrational to be thrown into "adult society" on my own and find my spot in life, but I have to. Even though I know this, it's so hard to let go of the containment that I grew up with. Maybe I'm just lazy, maybe I'm unmotivated, but every time I think of how I may be misusing all this privileged time, the room starts closing in on me and I lose the sanity to go forth in pursuing more.
How do you do it?
That one quote above could basically describe how I felt just a few days ago. Free from the pressure of trying to cram in projects during the last 30 minutes; free from the impending doom that is also aptly named, 'Finals Week'. I thought this academic pressure would be shrugged off of my shoulders the moment I stepped into my home, but I suppose thoughts can always be changed. Whether it would be online or offline, every time someone would bring up internships or just some general idea of their future, I would feel the anxiety brewing up. It's not as if my friends getting these positions would benefit or deny me of any endeavor that I would want to do, but the pressure to quickly find my place in the world would close in at an alarming speed.
"What do you want to do this summer?"
This is such a simple question, really, but what do I want to do? Spend another few golden months constantly pressured to find something worthwhile to do? I think summer break is aptly titled with the break meaning how this stress is going to eventually break me. This is probably a petty complaint to make in front of a few, but I can't help but think that there's probably a good handful of people that agree with me. As students, we go through finals week by looking towards that one sliver of freedom a.k.a three months of academic freedom. But how do we alleviate this pressure on us to find something worthwhile to do? It hasn't even been a week since I made it back into my safe haven of home, yet I find myself scrambling about to try and find a place that will water and raise me into a little experienced plant. I don't know about you, but this pressure has only worked negatively on me, and I found myself hiding away beneath the covers of whatever's good on Hulu that week.
"What did you do today?"
What did I do today? What did I do yesterday? What will I do tomorrow? I think I'm living in this constant fear of not using my 24/7 availability to its full potential. Honestly, being able to wake up every morning is something to be so thankful for, but the moment my eyes are open, my mind starts wandering to "Did I finish this? When was the deadline again for that app?", and suddenly the suffocation starts again. So much of my life has been teachers giving me deadlines for homework, parents giving me tasks to complete; how do I know what to do next without some sense of direction? It seems almost irrational to be thrown into "adult society" on my own and find my spot in life, but I have to. Even though I know this, it's so hard to let go of the containment that I grew up with. Maybe I'm just lazy, maybe I'm unmotivated, but every time I think of how I may be misusing all this privileged time, the room starts closing in on me and I lose the sanity to go forth in pursuing more.
How do you do it?
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